Recognizing violence

Are you questioning what you're living through?

It isn’t always easy to recognize violence when you’re in the middle of it.

Maybe some things make you uncomfortable. Maybe you adjust what you say or do to avoid a reaction. Maybe you feel less and less free to be yourself. Or maybe you simply know something is wrong, without being able to put it into words.

You don’t need to have all the answers to start asking questions.

Intimate partner or family violence can take many forms. It isn’t always physical, and it isn’t always easy to recognize. It can set in gradually, until certain behaviours start to seem normal.

It can look like…

You don’t need to see yourself in this whole list to have the right to ask questions or to ask for help.

checking your phone, your messages or your social media;
always wanting to know where you are or who you’re with;
trying to keep you away from your family, your loved ones or your community;
controlling your money or stopping you from making certain decisions;
putting you down, humiliating you or making you doubt yourself;
using jealousy to justify certain behaviours;
threatening you, intimidating you or making you afraid;
using the children to pressure you;
not respecting your limits or your decisions;
making you feel you always have to be careful about what you say or do.

What if I'm not sure?

That’s okay.

You can love someone and still be worried about some of their behaviour. You can have good times with them and also live through things that hurt you. You can think about leaving and change your mind. You may not want to leave at all.

We don’t need you to make a decision in order to listen to you.

Talking about what you’re going through doesn’t commit you to anything. A support worker can simply take the time to listen, answer your questions and help you better understand your situation.

Violence doesn't always start with blows

Violence can be visible, but it can also be much harder to name. It can show up as control, words, money, fear, isolation, threats, or other ways of limiting your freedom.

What matters isn’t only what the other person does, but also the effect the relationship has on you.

Are you afraid of how they’ll react?

Do you feel free to say no?

Can you see the people you want to see?

Can you make your own decisions?

Do you feel safe at home?

If some of these questions make you stop and think, you can come and talk to us about it.

You can talk to us before you're ready to leave

Asking for help doesn’t mean you have to leave.

You can call us simply to talk about what you’re going through. We can think through your safety with you, answer your questions and support you with certain steps, even if you aren’t considering staying at the Pad8ban Home for now.

You can call us at 450-345-2045.